Time to enjoy life and do what you love!

Jaha, nu är det sommarlov igen! Alla har åkt till sina sommarställen i tur ordning, och här är lilla jag hemma i gamla sköna esbo.
Men det känns väldigt tomt och ensamt utan alla djur som är i hangö med mamma och pappa :( Fast okej jag har ju min håriga björn, Robban här hemma!
Nu börjar min säsong för idiotiska idéer... Igen... Har en ny plan att skaffa smiley piercing och ska sikta in på att skaffa den imorrn! Iiiiik! :D jättenervös! Ska ta en update på mina "dumma idéer " för er nån dag :) altså piercingar, tatueringar, hår färg osv! Promise!
Nåja, vad annat är nytt?
Skulle kunna döda för att jobba med djur den här sommarn.. Tänkte ta kontakt med min gudmor/halv moster, om idéen att få ta hand om hennes golden under dagarna. Då hennes man är på jobb och hon har svårt att ta ut Cindy på långa promenader pga hälsoproblem... Hoppas de inte är på landet annars skiter min plan sig haha :D

haha ojoj

Japp jag har bytt blogg,igen. jaja va fan om du är intresserad så checka in på changetothebetter.devote.se

I don't know what to say

Once again I burned myself by touching boiling water.  I'm getting tired of even trying anymore, I'm confused, disappointed and sick of ending up where I started. I guess im stuck inside an evil circle of trusting people too easily. I believe I 

Insane

I'll never be able to move out, away from my parents. I feel a need to get away from them. But their defense if that as long as I'm in school I can't move out. When I sai that I take the school at 3,5 or 4 years, my mom lost it. "you're already a year after!" all I said was; "I didn't know there was an expiration date.."
With that said, I was of course now seen as childish and immature.
So I won't be moving out of the house before I'm 20-21 years. My sister was 19... But if I want to move, I have to make my own money and pay the rent myself. None of my siblings had to do that. But my parents know how to play the game. Since I can't speak fluently Finnish, and live in Finland, I won't get a job.
No Finnish= No job= No apartment...
I'm going crazy here...

What is life about?

I've had up and down hills before but today when I saw your face I got back all the feelings of being betrayed and let down. Everything was my fault and I don't know if I can live with that guilt. To me, you are dead but sometimes you come back to life in my mind. I hate you, so much that words can't describe it. Today you asked how I am. I didn't even bother to fake a smile, but I told you I'm fine. I'm not. The overpowering feeling of hate you gave me destroys all love and affection and sense of trust in me, and it fucking kills me. I've tried to move on and it worked for a while, thank you for ruining my recovery. I know that you don't deserve my time of hating you, I deserve better, everyone does except for you. You don't deserve anything. You think that the world is for your benefit, but it's not.

Don't you just love it when....

Don't you just love it when you get love letters from some english middleaged man on facebook? Don't you just love it when you have a busdriver-stalker in the middle of the night, asking who you are and know where you should get off...
 
 
No, just no

Random crap

Me and my dog, Mikki. This is a very random photo, I'm bored.

love to see you go

So we got to know that my sister got accepted to a school in Sweden! I'm happy for her, mosly happy to see her go but somehow I'll miss our fights but mostly her dogs... Oh well maybe she'll grow up a little while she's there?

Who are you?

So about 3 moths ago my bestfriend at the time moved to Sweden. She thought that she'd stay there for a year, but things didn't work out like she thought they would've. The day before she left, I told her "I know we're going to loose contact with each other. And she told me that we wouldn't. But fess what happened. We lost the contact even though I tried my best to maintain it. She just didn't seem interested. So I stopped. Suddenly I got to hear from a friend of of mine that she's coming back. I got mixed feelings like anger, confusion but mostly I felt hurt. Hurt that she didn't want me, her former bestfriend to know that she was coming back. So the first day of school she came crawling back to me. Somehow even though I didn't want anything to do with her, I kind of forgave her. We're still not best friends. I checked Facebook a minute ago and she had uploaded some photos of her posing so called "sexy-ish" infront of the camera with 5 pounds of makeup and white trash clothes. I have no idea what she's doing, I don't think she knows either... I believe this moment is going to become one of those "omg why did I do that when I was young. How embarrassing" moments when she's grown up. I just don't want her to be the caged animal in the zoo (talking about school)... Well like a Swedish saying ; the one who makes the bed, may lie down."

Confused

More drama! Who doesn't like drama?
So it has been a week since I met X and I have no idea what I should do... Last time, things didn't go as planned, it never does... But I though he might had been a bit interested but, interested in what? He says that is not that kind of guy who only wants one thing (of course he says that). But I have gotten proof that he only takes interest when the moment is hot... I want someone to share moments with, and I'm pretty sure he's not the one. I still don't regret beoming single again, just saying. It feels like I have a second option, but I can't remember who that would be...? Not a good sign... Aah! Sometimes being a teenager make want to grow up.

I don't get it.

Okay so my parents are pissed at me once again for some kind of reason I do not understand. My mom suddenly started to pms, I didn't know she could still have it. But anyway, all of a sudden she started screaming at me that my room is "disgusting" and she won't tolerate it any longer. I who cleaned my room the other day, didn't understand what she was talking about. Usually if she thinks my room is starting to get messy, she'd just ask me to clean it, not shout at me. But today she did. So without arguing I started to clean the smallest "disgusting mess" I've ever seen. It took me 20 min and now my room is spotless. I thought her pms moment was over, buuuut it wasn't. Then she started nagging again about my school schedule. That she wants it in order so that she could wake me up every morning (she doesn't trust me that I can do it myself). But for the first time ever I wanted to be grown up and be able to wake up by myself, once in a while, I'm 18 after all. So I said "I dont like the thought that you know my whole school day. When I start, when I got free period, when I get from school, and so on. That's when she looses it. She insists in giving her the little piece of paper. Then I said "mom, I'm 18. I want to be able to take care about my own school" that's the part she calls me immature and unresponsible. So the next thing I know I'd that she goes upstairs and tells everything to the boss in the family (my dad). She over exaggerate like always and tells him how rude I was and how immature I am. So he comes down and gives me a lecture in how he don't give a damn if im 18 or not. Personally I don't care about my age either. Dad said that as long as I live in his house I should do exactly what he says, and expects nothing less. I'd love to move out any second but since my parents has forbidden me to work while studying, I wouldn't be able to pay rent. My sister is 27 years old and she's unemployed and has 2 dogs and lives in a huge apartment, but moms little girl should have everything in the world. So I guess I just love my family (rough sarcasm). I don't know how long I can stand it here anymore. I need to get out of this house ASAP. I already visit a psychologist because of all drama in this house. This is one of the small things that drives me mad...


Summer is gone and I'm living on hopes and dreams

So like every year school starts once again and I'm back behind my desk, suffering from tiredness and boredome. Trying to listen to the distant sound of what my teacher is trying to say, while I'm in some kind of bubble and thinking of something totally different. Something much more interesting than about some president in a country I hardly know that exsists. In some ways  everything has changed like I wrote a couple of days ago, but I just realized that not only time but important people in my life has changed too. My bestfriend was suppose to move away for a year but she ended up coming back, without telling me while a couple of friends of mine did. An onther important friend of mine suddenly thought that I had been talking behind her back, which I haven't. She now refuses to talk to me. I am left here pretty much alone in this world all confused and with mixed feelings. I can only thank God that I have found my absolute soul sister. She's amazing and it's creepy how alike we think. I always have a good time when I'm with her. We are just as crazy.
 
Line and I. Line, I'm sorry but you look extremly hot in this pic... xD
 
P.S Welcome to a teenager's indescribable problems

That moment

That moment when you realize that your childhood-crush is gay -_- hahah pretty funny though... Oh well I guess my luck in boys hasn't changed much.

And now...

And you finally almost did. I'm not easy, like you said. But I believe I am.

1 Thing I hate about myself

It's frustrating how increadibly weak I am towards you. Just with one line you could have me. But then again, is it meant to be like that? I don't mind. And that's the biggest problem.

Get weird or stay weird. Weird is awesome.

Den här bloggen är till för de som vill läsa om mitt liv. Alla mina tankar, känslor och upplevelser. Jag har bloggat i flera år och bytt blogg om och om igen, så nu har jag bestämt mig att stanna här ett tag! Enjoy P.S! Ta mig med en nypa salt.

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